Zucchini
The Z word…
Zucchini. How I used to love you… That was before. Before you overtook my garden, my kitchen counters, and my every waking thought. Before you became part of my every meal. Before you drove me into despair.
If you have been keeping up with my posts you already know that in true Brian fashion I overdid it a little on the zucchini. OK, I overdid it a lot actually. I planted 11 zucchini plants (6 transplant and 5 from seed) and at this point I think about 1 or 2 would have done the trick.
I’ve turned into a zucchini pusher… It isn’t pretty, and I’m not proud of myself. Literally everyone I know or have met in the past 3 weeks has been offered zucchini. And I mean EVERYONE! Family, neighbors, delivery people, strangers walking their dog, the nice lady at the gas station…
It started so innocently. At first I asked my family if they wanted a zucchini or 2. When they reluctantly said yes I dropped off 5. The next time I saw them I didn’t even ask — I just brought a bag full and dumped it off. That worked about 3 times, until all of a sudden my family stopped inviting me over. Maybe they were on to me?
When my new range was delivered the 2 nice delivery people made the mistake of commenting on the huge pile of zucchini that was on my kitchen counter. “Shazam!” I thought. So as they were leaving I slickly offered them some — but to no avail. Then I begged them to take some. And still they refused. I was desperate and they sensed it… Finally after some more begging and pleading (and an actual tear or two) they reluctantly said yes and I got rid of another bag full!
I was on a roll. Until a couple nights ago.
I cornered my neighbor — who I barely know by the way — and tried to pawn off some zucchini. At first I thought I had her — she had that deer-in-the-headlights look on her face. “Score!” I thought. And at the last possible moment, just when she was about to give in, I saw the light bulb appear over her head. She shifted her eyes subtly towards her own garden, then back to me. And she gave me the only excuse that I can’t counter. She told me that she had plenty of zucchini too, and was actually going to ask me if I needed any but I beat her to it! GAH!
Outsmarted I headed home to lick my wounds and regroup. My options are dwindling and now the ideas are stretching the bounds of credibility. For example, I was going to leave a zucchini in my mailbox each day for the mailperson. And I was considering leaving some on the front porches of all the houses in the area. And at a yard sale last week I was going to see if I could trade zucchini for merchandise…
Obviously I need help.
So does anyone want some fresh zucchini?
